test pad

It’s been about 14 months since Monica Conyers’ pled guilty to federal charges of public corruption. Her opportunities to cooperate with prosecutors have passed, her half-baked appeals were worthy of FAIL Blog, and it seems that she’s out of sick relatives to care for in lieu of going to jail. Nothing left for her to do but ride out her sentence in a West Virginia facility some call “Camp Cupcake.” We could feign outrage about that but, really, it’s not like she conspired to kill a union boss here. Mrs. John Conyers was never headed for Leavenworth.

We need to think more long-term about Monica’s situation. Maybe the college campus environment of Alderson Federal Prison Camp will provide her with the right environment to reflect on her life, and what went wrong. Like in the classic baby boomer film, The Big Chill.

What it all fashion? Did she allow herself to become too cynical since her idealistic days as a young campaign volunteer for her future husband. Maybe Sam Riddle was her consultant equivalent Don Galloway, when she had been really pining for the Tom Berenger of political operatives all along? Insert contrived dance to Motown scene with Alderson alums Squeaky Fromme and Martha Stewart here. Maybe Monica should've bought that land up near Saginaw after graduation. Oh how these timeless existential questions of middle age confound us all!

This is probably all a massive rationalization, but as Jeff Goldblum told us: “I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex…ever gone a week without a rationalization?”